Nosiness = Knowing each other in the things that are eternal
Nosiness isn’t always negative. I love learning about people – many of them Quakers. I do this by going to Yearly Meeting, reading The Friend, visiting other meetings, or even looking through their minutes and newsletters. I often joke that one of the best parts of my job is getting paid to read all these things and share the insights with clients.
When people ask why, I explain it’s a mix of my curiosity about life and my interest in how every group does things a little differently. Even when organisations are similar or based close to each other, their approaches are never quite the same.
Nosiness: A definition
Nosiness or the being eternally interested in other people.
The Cambridge dictionary definitions give both positive and negative connotations:
You can see why I chose this definition!
There’s a fine line between being genuinely interested in others and wanting to learn about them – including things that don’t directly affect you – and being nosy in a negative way. The difference comes down to love and respect. Curiosity driven by care is very different from a desire to control or manipulate.
It’s the first kind I mean here. Learning about people, their lives, and seeing that of God in them. Noticing how their experiences reflect parts of the divine you recognise in yourself.
Do you make space for your group members to truly get to know each other? Not just the quick exchange of:
“How are you?”
“Fine.”
but the deeper questions, like:
“How does Truth prosper with you?”
Building in these moments can strengthen your community. They help create a space that feels loving and safe, where everyone knows questions come from care – not negative nosiness.
How can we make the meeting a community in which each person is accepted and nurtured, and strangers are welcome? Seek to know one another in the things which are eternal, bear the burden of each other’s failings and pray for one another. As we enter with tender sympathy into the joys and sorrows of each other’s lives, ready to give help and to receive it, our meeting can be a channel for God’s love and forgiveness.
Noteworthy = things that help other know you better
Or how not to presume that no one would be interested!
The other side of being willing to listen to others, to show interest in their lives and cares, is accepting that what you do is worthy of note.
I’ve spoken to many people who say that no-one has come to an event, or that not many newcomers find their way to their door, and yet they’re not sharing information to help people do just that
After COVID, I found out that someone had visited a Quaker Meeting I work with and wanted to update their website.
I’m always glad when people want to improve things, so I happily met with them. They told me they had looked at the photos and event listings during lockdown. They were excited to meet those people and join in with those activities.
But when they finally visited, they realised the website was so out of date that many of the people had left or grown older, and the events no longer happened. Thankfully, they decided to stay anyway!
Are you planning an event or marking an anniversary? Talk with others and make a list of dates you can use for social media posts or even a whole series.
At Muswell Hill, we marked the 100th anniversary of the meeting by planting 100 trees with 100 Quakers. We invited local people and hall hirers to join us. Even the Mayor and MP came along to hold a shovel and have their photo taken.
Do you have social media or a newsletter? Do you ask someone to take photos or write up each event? It’s a simple way to keep your community informed and engaged.
When I when I quiet myself and I quiet my heart and I actually listen to what is coming up from the spirit, from the depths … from the community from something if not greater at least wider and larger than myself.
Wendrie Heywood
MBS Founder
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